Posted on July 30, 2010


Vegas has released the week-one NFL lines, and we’re CISED. Nevertheless, my fellow degenerates, if you’re making plays a month and a half before the Thursday night Kickoff game on September 9th you’re a bigger dope than any of us and deserve to get your money taken and donkey punched simultaneously.

The problem with the release this early of the week-one lines is a lot like masturbation without the payoff. Just like Kaiser Soze, however, shit’s not always as it appears on the surface. It’s good to get Vegas’ early take on the week-one match ups, but we don’t put much stock in them. For example, if Jay Cutler blows out his knee on the first day of training camp and you got the Bears giving up seven, you’re up shits creek, and thus a jabroni. But just like masturbation, you can change it up and get creative (e.g. when you sit on your hand for 20 minutes and then rub one out so it feels like someone else is doing it).

You take these early and insignificant lines and judge who Vegas is cised for early and use that information once the season is a few weeks under way to your advantage. But unlike Kevin Spacey, if you make a week-one play now, you aren’t getting away with it.

What do you degenerates think?