Guten Tag Bitches

Posted on September 7, 2010

5


So one of the idiots that writes some of this shit is in Germany right now, and that idiot is writing this post right here, and may be the same idiot in a goofy picture attached looking like Clark Griswold in European Vacation. I might not have the pic for a hot second so our big Jewish Commissioner might have to edit the last couple sentences. BJC….Big Jewish Commissioner….from now on BJC is your name donk.

Anyways on to Germany. There is a beer festival going on in my city right now, and it goes on for 3 weeks. Like Oktoberfest, which I will be attending soon, the festival consists of gathering at enormous tables in an enormous tent and drinking liters of 7-8% beer out of enormous mugs that women with enormous breasts bring you carrying 4 of these mugs in each hand. But the most fun part of this chirade is getting dressed up in a lederhosen….which are these stupid shorts that Germans like to wear with a flannel and suspenders and long socks and boots. It actually looks sweet and I’m gonna rock my lederhosen for sure when I get back to Maryland. And the girls dress like the St Paulie Girl beer girl dresses…..like I said, with their cannons out. ¬†Speaking of Clark Griswold…check out Chevy Chase long in his best performance besides “Cops and Robertsons” (Do NOT sleep on C and R – classic)

After putting in 8 hour shifts at the bar Thursday-Sunday all summer I thought I was prepared to hold my own here when it came to drinking. Then I got shit hammered after my first beer and half as I was trying to keep up with a guy my skinny ass had about 20 lbs on. And yes, I did keep up, and yes, I did black out, and yes, I was found sleeping outside the tent by some nice German police officers who woke me up and brought me back to my friends in the tent. So I resumed drinking and eating massive amounts of sausage with the boys and all of a sudden we were all standing on the table singing songs and I looked around and every single person in the fucking tent was standing on their tables doing the same. 65 year olds, 15 year olds and everyone in between was just pickled and standing on the table. Imagine dressing your 15 yr old daughter up in a dress that barely covers her nipples and sending her into a tent to drink mugs of beer that she needs to use both hands to hold. Its quite the scene. Keep in mind this was Monday afternoon/night, so I can only imagine the scene on the weekends. After it ended at 11 PM we left and went on a few carnival rides outside the tent. Then half of us puked. Then we went to the bar. Then I can’t really say what happened for sure but it probably got weird.

A few other things I saw:

A hot 18 year old chick throw a chew in – sexy

A 70 yr old man sitting by himself for 3 hours getting bombed – C Murda in 45 years

Someone take a sip of a beer that had chew spit in it and vomit all over the place – that was me

I’ll be checking in more frequently than BJC thinks I will be, and probably more than he wants me to.

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