Dirty D’s First Post, Jesus Christ!

Posted on September 9, 2010


Today, I’m going to get cised about religion. (Disclaimer: I DO NOT care what religion you are and more power to you if you love your religion)

Why can’t we just take certain aspects of other religions and incorporate those aspects into what we would like our individual religion to be? I would love if I could go and say,” I want this and I want that” of every religion and form it into one super religion. We will call that religion “D’ism.” You could do it like a fantasy football draft.

Here is the way my draft board would look:

1st pick – from Islam, I would incorporate the notion of Insha’Allah. I mean, lets be honest here, I can do whatever I want, say “Insha’Allah” (Means “God’s Will” degenerates) and that means its OK because God wanted it? Brilliant.  Well played Islam!

2nd pick – from the Mormons, I would take polygamy. I could send away for 7 mail order brides so I would have a different chick for every night and day of the week. I get seven different women and they get me. Unbelievable.

3rd pick – from Judaism, would be the holiday of Passover. What other holiday actually incorporates drinking four large glasses of wine continuously when you haven’t eaten anything all day(That’s actually Yom Kippur, Donkey. BJC). I mean, God bestowed upon his people the greatest drinking game ever and only one religion takes advantage? That’s just wrong. I’m all over that one.

4th pick – my sleeper pick comes from Catholicism. Other religions have this, but I had to take Confession. I mean, do what I want, then go tell the priest and be forgiven because I told him. This complements the 1st pick but solidifies my soul.

5th pick — I go back to the Mormons. They don’t believe in hell. Well, neither do I because I don’t want to go there.  In D’ism there is no hell.

6th pick — Back to Catholicism. Pedophiles have to dress differently from everyone else.  I mean, the people who molest kids have to wear colorful garments and a white collar just so you know who to steer away from.  Thank God!

In conclusion, in my religion, I could do anything I want, justify said wrong-doing by saying Insha’Allah, go to confession to get it off my conscience, just in case there’s a little guilt still there.  Then I’ll go home to my seven beautiful wives and get wasted while celebrating my beautiful religious holiday. Go to bed. stare at the top of wife #4’s head while it moves up and down about 6 inches (6.5 on a good day) while being at peace because I know I can’t go to hell and the pedophiles are easily identifiable.

As always, we welcome all you degenerates comments on the Dirty D’s first post.