C-Murda She Wrote learned how to type; Uh-Oh!

Posted on September 15, 2010


*******Disclaimer – C-murda, Tre and I have been best friends since we were all put in Mr. Jones’ 4th grade class with our other best friend Nate Dogg.  Good call CCES.  We racked up 200 detentions that year at least and yes, Murda’s home phone was legit on speed dial in the principle’s office…..Swear to God.  Anyways, if you knew this guy, you would know that you have to take what he says with a grain of salt, and just let yourself laugh however inappropriate or offensive it might be.  With that being said, this post is a few weeks overdue, but here he is for the first time on “Cised”:

So I am not gonna lie.  I wasn’t real sure how this whole concept would turn out.  A few ass-clowns attempting to be literate.  I was indeed skeptical, so I took a Tristan Ludlow-esque sojourn to my favorite place (a drunken haze) while Cised got up and running.  That, and why spend time on something I am still not sold on like this whole “google-machine internet fad thing.”  But there has been a bear deep inside me rumbling more and more lately.  There may not be anything in this world better then college football.  And it is surely that time again knuckleheads.  My greatest gambling accomplishment, besides barely recalling if I ever strap up anymore and still not owning a younglin’, was a game winning FG to beat a fellow CCES alum in what was none other then Bill Walsh College Football ’95 on Sega Genesis.  Of course being half Jewish he claimed that he couldn’t pay.  Myself, a Scot, was none to thrilled to say the least. So we settled the stingy standoff of immortal haggling on an allegedly autographed Lemieux hockey puck. It’s authenticity remains in question, my victory and true love of the game do not.

I have been following college ball the entirety of my life, significantly more then the NFL even.  Though I am more of a retired athlete, I did play a touch in college.  Was my team ever on TV?  F*** no, but we did show up on ESPN 2’s bottom line three times.  Yeah, I said it.  Thrice!  We here at Cised have no secret formula with algorithms and fancy programs for that TI-83 you snatched from some high school broad, like her virginity, who was dumb enough to have one in the first place. We are, though, intelligent enough to steer clear of any John Anthony “Million Dollar Man” pendulum swings of euphoria to emotional breakdown and a coin flip.  By the way, was anyone else upset that they absolutely swagger-jacked that nickname from the one true Million Dollar Man- Ted DiBiase?  Stealing nicknames is not Bro, nor is nicknaming yourself.  Yeah I’m looking at you Lebron and Shawn Marion.  Since I’m on an ADD, 15th Natty deep tangent, here are a number of other things that will make me want to judo chop you in the larynx:

Twitter– 1.) it’s gay 2.) it’s a super sweet mass text to the world.

The Wildcat – Are you really not aware it’s just a shot-gun draw damn near every time.  Nothing new about that.  Plus it can’t be wildcat formation with Vick, Seneca Wallace, Pat White, etc. They are lined up at their position.  Some Madden Donk probably thought this shit up between jerk sessions to the digitized cheerleaders.

Liberals– Yet another reason to call someone a Donkey.

Spread Punt–  If it actually worked well, wouldn’t it be in the NFL?

Ugly Girls– At least ugly dudes you can laugh at.  There are negative purposes in the world for fat/ugly XX chromosomes.  Unless you are the kind to count slump busters.

Soccer– Those who read this, let alone contribute, may disagree, but it is just a bunch of dry vagina cross-country runners moving aimlessly for 90 minutes to no end.

Beer Snobs– All you ever need is coldest and cheapest.  It’s all the same after 5 or 6.  Don’t drink that much?  That’s fine, I didn’t plan to like anyone who is a pussy anyway.  Moot point.

Guys Who Respect Females– Lets be real.  A slam piece is just a piece you slam.

Alright, enough bombastic drivel (or is it?).  Besides, my 12 fluid ounce container has completely leaked out the top again.  My liver and bear need feeding.  Ca Caaw

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