You know you’re a . . .

Posted on September 16, 2010


Disclaimer: I (BJC), have been told, most recently by Donna B, that we here at Cised are coming off as not respecting women and are trying to appeal to the least common denominator instead of trying to raise an intellectual conversation with this blog (when we’re not talking about illegal sports betting. Ironic?).  Let me be clear, what we say should always be taken with a grain of salt.  We are doing sarcastic and subversive shtick, so for all you female readers (all 10 of you), please continue to post comments that we can in turn ridicule for sport just because we can.  Enjoy some of Dirty D’s Finest…

There is a two word phrase that men have been using describing women for ages. That phrase: “Dumb B****.” I can’t count many times I have seen or heard a girl do something and the response is “Dumb B****?” It’s as common as Murda spending a Tuesday night stumbling around Front Page, TreTre combing high schools looking for future talent, Dirty D getting ridiculed for not closing a sure thing, or the granola king creeping over girls at a bar, that’s if he decides to pop an adderoll on top of a xanex (makes zero sense) and actually go out, mind you.

Let me explain why many of you can be a “Dumb B****.”

1. If you’re ugly but have hot friends, that doesn’t make you hot by association or even cool. In fact it doesn’t make you anything because you’re still ugly. But if you believe you are hot or cool by association then you’re a dumb b****.

2. If you’re ugly with hot friends who gets ponned by a guy and you don’t realize a). he is either to drunk to remember or, b). you’re just an ends to a means, but rather assume that you’re as cool or hot as your other friends then you’re a dumb b****.

3. If your box is used by other guys like an Adams Morgan bar bathroom but you refuse to give head because its demeaning, that doesn’t mean you have class, it means you’re a dumb b**** for thinking you have class.

4. Even though you know where a sport team plays and who their most attractive player is, that doesn’t make you sport savvy or even good enough to talk sports, it makes you a dumb b**** when you try to talk like you’re sport savvy because the terms “up the gut,” “going both ways” and “tight ball” remind you of getting slammed at 3am, and not sports.

5. When you start a phrase “I really don’t care but…” you’re a dumb b**** because you do care but are to big of a vagina (pun intended) to say anything.

6. Not f****** on the first date, only to follow it up with an easy session on the second date, doesn’t mean you’re a good girl, it means you’re a dumb b**** for thinking that and still being an easy target.

7. If you call a guy an asshole because he didn’t call you after a one night stand, you’re a dumb b****. He isn’t an asshole, you just weren’t good enough to remember ,so instead of calling him an asshole, step your game up and figure out what your doing wrong.

8. If you become mad at a guy for screwing you over, but then forgive him, THEN let him beat your box like it stole from him the same night, then you’re a dumb b**** because he is going to F you over again AND he will still be able to hit it again when you make up.

9. If you’re a female and get mad after reading this you’re a dumb b**** because all of this applies to you and you’re the poster child of the dumb b****’s.

10. If you’re a female and get mad after reading this even though none of the above applies to you, then you’re probably a dead fish in bed and have so much sexual frustration bottled up that you will probably drown your own kids later in life.

11. If you’re a guy and get mad reading this, F off, this is my opinion you don’t have to like it. Go back to reading The Onion, drinking bottled water and DVR’ing Grey’s Anatomy.

Dirty D is out