We Got a Situation

Posted on October 6, 2010

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Let me start out by saying it is obvious that the gongshow that takes place every week on The Jersey Shore doesn’t represent “real life”, but the show is f-ing REAL.   MTV was able to find the 8 biggest retards on the east coast,  and by putting them in a shack with a hot tub in Seaport, NJ for a summer, they struck gold with an explosive mix of alcohol, tanning, sex, and steroids. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the losers in that house bring home disgusting girls week after week, and usually end up with nothing more than a hot tub make out.

There was always an excuse….one of the girls cock blocking, one of the guys sewering another behind his back (usually Sitch), or another heinous broad showing up to ruin the party. It was clear that despite the tans, muscles, MTV cameras, and sick graffic T’s, these assholes just couldn’t live up to their self-proclaimed Guido stardom. Ronnie was a homo with Sammi and packed it in early on, Vinny was a pussy and not brown enough to compete with his roommates for the swine that flock to the shore every summer (hasn’t stopped C-Murda’s Casper complexioned ass from getting laid though), and Pauly D’s inverted triangle hairdo and money Cadillac tat couldn’t get him much more than an Israeli stalker…. (BJC would have been cised for that though!). Obviously Situation, the heart and soul of the Guido squad, provided us with entertainment but still never brought home better than a 6. But in the unexpected fame that came from this ridiculous show…these idiots ended up being the legends  they pretended to be in season one, and are straight getting it done in Miami.

So far this season, which I thought was gonna suck, Sitch got dome in a cab on the way home from the club, then got it in with the same chick, then dropped this line to her  “So, um, I, um, got a taxi for you baby.  I set everything up for you.  Are you good?”  After tossing her out he turns to the boys…..”and that’s how you get em out!”  Also, Vinny has slid his apparently wiffle ball bat sized crank into both Snookie and Angelina, and Vinny is smushing a Cuban with a body that could get Fidel Castro’s 80 yr old limp dick up without Viagra. Ronnie made out with a couple manatees at the club, but thats about it, and now hes’s back with Sammi so not much has changed there….homo.  But the other three are getting Hank Moody ass. For the first time in Reality show history, these douche bag’s are shamelessly banging broads EVERY week, and the girls on the show are doing the same, and it is all shown on TV. That is real. Also, we have seen the chicks duke it out almost every episode. Literally, most episodes involve two or more of the girls throwing haymakers and rag dolling each other (while Mike is stirring the pot and simultaneously moving the furniture out of the way), then waking up the next morning to collect their earings and hair extensions from the floor. Realize that this shit gets you kicked off every other reality show on tv. Remember when Taylor Made got pushed by that big DeeBo looking mother-f’er on I Love New York? What was that big dude’s name?  Anyway,  that got him kicked off the show. So when I Love New York has higher standards than another show, you better tune into that show.

And shout out to Miami for having a plethora of girls that are DTF our boys on national television on a weekly basis.    And while these whores are nothing you would bring home to Mom and Dad, they do have tans and fake tits as opposed to cellulite and acne which was par for the course in season 1.  Mad Men is legit, and Boardwalk Empire is looking like an instant classic. Eastbound and Down is back on, and the NFL season is in full swing, but nothing on TV gets me more cised than Jersey Shore.

Gotta end with a couple Sitch quotes……….. “Sam knew while they were together he was still dogging her. The girl was pretty much peed on by Ronnie, he peed in many different ways. She just took it & smiled… just like when you’re little & you wanna believe Santa Claus is alive… Santa Claus is f*ckin dead.”  Bahahahahahaa.  But this is possibly the funniest thing to ever come out of Situation’s mouth. After leaving a dirty maxi pad (do chicks even use those disgusting blood diapers anymore) on the floor in the bathroom, Sitch puts it under Angelina’s bed then calls her out in front of some poor dude she just brought home from the beach. Check this clip out

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