BJC Is Felted

Posted on October 28, 2010


Fellow degenerates, your boy is busto!  Karma is a bitch, and she has her sights set squarely on me.  The betting Gods are the most sinister of them all, and  ever since my huge bookie-busting weekend two weeks ago, I cant win in fantasy, “my” pick ’em pool, my spread pool, and for the love of Jesus Christ, a single F’ing bet.  If this shit keeps up, I’m going to have to start liquidating assets like I’m Toni Braxton, and when the $220 in my savings account is gone, I just might have to sell my girlfriend and her roommates into white slavery.  But you know what, who cares (besides my bookie)?  I’ve tried everything to reverse my bad fortune, but to no avail.  I’ve begged, pleaded, prayed to the God of my Hebrew brethren (Jon Stewart) and still am coming up empty.  WTF is your boy gonna do, besides stop gambling (false), in order to stop having to fork over my weekly paychecks to that fat cheeseburger eating bastard “StevieBooks”?  Seriously, I’m open to suggestions.  I’ve been thinking about how much this sucks until I thought about all the people who have it much worse than me.  That lasted about five seconds, because seriously, Krissy is fixing the world one maladjusted Haitian child at a time, and through the transitive property, so am I.  Everyone else can take a number and get in line.

FYI: My pumpkin was LEGIT!  It also turned out to bring my New York Football Giants plenty of shoulder breaking luck on MNF, as they pounded the all but dead Cowgirls and moved themselves into first place in the NFC East and tied with the best record in the entire NFC, headed into their bye week.  I’m sure Tony Romo was wishing that he had Jessica back to nurse his busted ass back to health, because the only thing he’ll be doing in January is trolling Cabo San Lucas for tranny hookers and shots of Cabo Wabo.  Interestingly enough, I took the Cowgirls -3 in that contest, and because I’m apparently the mush, I inadvertently hooked my boys in the process; that’s the only silver lining of this whole shit show.  Well, that and the crazy 50 year old chick Little Black Danny was Cised for at the silly wine bar on Sunday Funday.

Speaking of Jon Stewart, I hope everybody is fully Cised for this weekend’s “Rally to Restore Sanity” on the National Mall.  Your boy will be there with bells on, and so should you degenerates.  As previously stated, we here at Cised are non-partisan, equal opportunitty offenders, but your boy is a lilly-livered, egg-head, bleeding-heart communist, and am therefore equally Cised for the upcoming midterm elections.  Obviously, another democratic vote in Montgomery County isn’t going to do much, but I still have concerns.  Former Gov. Bob Erlich has bridged a gap in the polls against incumbent Martin O’Malley, and in part it’s because he’s swaying a lot of the Brotherz in PG with his continuing efforts to bring gambling to Maryland.    Apparently, nobody told them that he’s not talking about legalizing tonk, he’s trying to bring slots to nubbs Dundalk.  That fat troll, Sen. Barbara Mikulski, is up for re-election as well and although she’ll never be a mid day RedTube fantasy of any male in the universe, she’s still probably a better option than her opponent.  Even that non-practicing witch from Delaware (“Hi, I’m in Delaware”) is picking up some ground, and fellow degenerates, if this crazy broad is elected, we should all pack up and move to Pakistan because that is a clear indication that Sarah Palin is ripe to run for President. That will be the end of civilization as we know it, so unstable Pakistan seems a highly preferable alternative.  I’m open to people who fall on the right side of the political spectrum, but we can all agree that Sarah Palin and her lunatic tea baggers aren’t just wrong for our country, but are just plain awful people who have no business representing any of us in a local School Board, let alone in Congress and, God forbid, the White House.

This is my opinion.  If you don’t agree, chances are you probably aren’t intelligent enough to have a valid opinion of your own, so F off and don’t screw the rest of us over by exercising your catastrophic ignorance.

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