Biblical Betting…Amen!

Posted on November 5, 2010


We here at Cised have been slacking on our daily posts, but you know what, none of us are REALLY that clever or funny, so, while banging out posts for all you degenerates daily entertainment is our goal here at Cised, it’s not always gonna happen.  Don’t like it, go F yourself.  However, Cised has some breaking news: Randy Moss has just been picked up off the waiver wire by…The Tea Party.  But seriously folks, after the Democrats got their shit pushed in big time on Tuesday nights mid-term elections, the only silver lining is that at least the witch from Delaware and that Giant D-bag from NY in turn got their shit pushed in worse.  Not to mention that the Tea Party had their chips pushed all in on the chick from Nevada beating Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid and lost that hand on the river.

I bring up the elections (again, I realize, but this is my blog so deal with that shit) because in watching the ridiculously overdone coverage on every cable news outlet on earth, I noticed that there were a lot of candidates reassuring voters that they will govern based on their love for YOUR lord and savior, Jesus Christ.  We’ll forget for a minute the federal law of separation of church and state and focus on the religious aspect.  Do you degenerates ever think about what it must have been like to bet back in Biblical times?  What do you think the line on David vs. Goliath was?  Seriously, the money line in Vegas alone had to have been Goliath -10,000, David +9,500.  How about the Christians vs. The Lions?  Do you think anyone had 1000 sheep or cows on the Christians getting out of that pit alive?  I’m sure virgin daughters all over Egypt were being handed over left and right when Moses actually parted the Red Sea; the odds on that must have been huge, and that was after Moses had already dropped 10 plagues all over Egypt, which was an underdog bet as well.   And the biggest upset off ALL TIME, Jesus rising from the dead after three days in the ground (bartender please, fill my glass for me, with the wine you gave Jesus Christ after three day in the ground-DMB).  I’m sure Judas tried to double down using the 40 pieces of silver he got from selling out JC in the first place, greedy Jew.  The BC era had to have been the era of the bookie!  I’m just saying, food for thought.

Enough hypothetical biblical bets, let’s move on to our picks for this weekends college games.  This weekend, We’re Cised For the following: Nevada -11.5 vs. Idaho (Nev has lost one game all year and Idaho BLOWS); NC St +3.5 vs. Clemson (St. is due and their QB is legit); SMU -6.5 vs. UTEP ( UTEP lost to nubbs Marshall last week and have a banged up QB); the over (66.5) in the Boise St vs. Hawaii game.

Onto our if-you’re-Cised-to-make-a-bet/feeling-frisky section of our weekend plays.  The over (41) in the Temple vs. Kent St game, the over (73) in the Baylor vs. OK St. game, UCF-2 vs. Houston, Southern Miss -9 vs. Tulane and Oklahoma -3 vs. Texas A&M.

I hate saying that I have a lock due to my recent two-week jinxing, but I believe that Oregon -35 vs. Washington is in fact a LOCK.  Actually, I believe that they will cover that in the first quarter.  I’m a firm believer that teasers and parlays are sucker bets, but Parlay Oregon first half (-22) with the Oregon full game spread and load up on it.  And if your bookie lets you make double-action reverse parlays, do that shit as well.

One final note: I F’ing hate the BCS!  Many peope feel the same way, but some don’t, but that’s an argument for another time.  This weekend, there are two GREAT games happening at the exact same time, and it really pisses me off.  TCU and Utah, who are 3 and 5 in the BCS standings respectively, are on at the same time as ‘Bama and LSU, who are from major BCS conferences.  College football gives no love to the non-BCS conference teams because they don’t bring in the same revenue as two power house SEC schools will.  TCU vs. Utah should be the highlighted Nationally televised prime time game.  I hope Boise St. and TCU stay undefeated and ‘Bama, LSU and Auburn all have at least one loss and get into the National Championship over Boise St. and TCU so they will have to blow up the BCS.

Let us know what you degenerates think.

Posted in: Uncategorized