Thanksgiving Week Preview

Posted on November 24, 2010


It’s that time of year again, my fellow degenerates, for stuffing our faces with turkey and passing out in front of the TV watching football.  This year, your boy is making a pilgrimage to money South Bend, Indiana, to make nice with my girl’s family.  “StevieBooks” has a list of prop bets on how it goes for me out there in the land of corn and meth factories.  I have an ass early flight out of Dulles, which brings me to my point: I’m really not looking forward to the extra security procedures that are bound to be in place this week.

– That paragraph above was BJC’s begining to today’s post that will be put up way too late for anyone to read or probably care about.  But since I am still at work, I have decided to kill some time and continue on with my drunken/hungover nonsense.  My equilibrium is always somewhere between those two points.  In case anyone actually gives a damn, I did in fact make it to work today after blacking out at TJ’s again last night.  It was my triumphant return there since my last blacked out event that was on halloween night, in which I was literally picked up and thrown out of the bar as if I was Jazzy Jeff being bounced from the Bel Air mansion.

I have seen patrons from the Double Deuce treated more hospitable.  Anywho, I was informed this morning that I flipped the coffee table in my living room upon my return home because the only thing I brought home from the bar was LBD and not some random piece.  That noise obviously woke one of the roommates and I then preceeded to fake sleep when they came down.  I guess I am just as classy as can be.

Now work has been a day full of the retarded.  After the morning meeting in which I was still drunk for from last evening (I seriously think I could have blown over the legal drinking limit),  I decided to have a rediculous texting marothomn with “stecviebooks” about my plan to win back my money.  He is on point with his clientel, as he already had a hunch that my one big play to get it all back would be in the MAC conference.  Then I was off to the “wellness room” in my firm for a nap that lasted 3 and a half hours.  This room is really just an office with what looks to be the best interpretaion of a high school nurse station and has a place to sleep.  “Pardon me, but it is nap time.”  “Could I trouble you for a warm glass of milk?  It helps put me to sleep.”  “You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up!  Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.  Check out the name tag, you’re in my world now grandma.”  I am glad I made it in for the free payday.

Back to BJC’s initial point about travel sercurity.  I have zero quarrel with the new body scanners. And if you do, then my guess is that you are fat and ugly.  Who gives a shit if some random TSA officer sees the contours of your body in a random room in the bowels of an airport?  Your face is not clearly identifiable and unless your roast beef sandwhich lips hang low, wobble to and fro, and can be tied in a knot or a bow, then shut your jihadist mouth.  Most everybody in the world has had a one night stand with a stranger.  How is that any different?  I try to do it as often as possible and have been with people that I awake to and disgust even me afterwords.  Not too mention the sluts that I disgust with my “haven’t worked out in 3 years” body of mine.  Even f you are all sorts of weird and can’t allow that scan to happen, then you may have a thorough pat down.  If I were to actually have flown anywhere for the holidays, I might even take advantage of these searches for my own amusement.  Granted I would request a female TSA agent to grope my balls, all the while I freak her out with a full on rager.  So just suck it up and walk through a machine that will save your life one day.  I think our hockey boy in Germany said it best, “I personally would rather have a hand rub against my balls for 2 seconds in security than have my plane rub against the Sears Tower.”  Well played my main man.

But enough of my drunken babble, on to this weeks college football games.  So I am in the red for the first time ever.  I have decided that I am in no way liking it.  Losing a couple over/unders by combined 1.5 pts. does not do wonders to the girth of my wallet.  I have an idea, though.  It’s the time honored tradition of the gamblin’ man.  I am going all in on one game to sure up back to even status.  I am betting on the Conor O’Neill character that Keanu Reeves pefected in Hardball to have the same affect.  My new favorite team of all time is now the Ohio Bobcats!

Ohio -3 at Kent State (Love the Bobcats here.  Golden Flashers don’t have anything to play for, while Ohio needs one last tune up before the MAC championship. Have also won 7 straight games convincingly)
Toledo -3.5 vs. C Michigan (One of the best kept secrets in football is Rockets WR Eric Page.  Paired with the strong performance from tailback Thomas, they have found a solid balance for the freshmen QB)
UNI -23.5 at E Michigan (not enough talent on the Eagles sideline to compete with the red hot Huskies)
S Miss at Tulsa OVER 68 (both top 20 scoring offenses in country)
SMU at ECU OVER 69.5 (Two bad defenses matched up against two spread offenses)
UAB -3 at Rice (Rice will feel a little too good after demolishing the Pirates last week)
UL-M -7 vs. UL-L (Rivalry game at home with bowl birth on the line for first time in school history.  Yeah, the Warhawks will show up big time)
MSU -3 at Ole Miss (Bulldogs should bounce back after 2OT loss vs Arkansas vs. an inferior Rebels squad)

And if you is feelin’ frisky and/or flush to make a wager of some kind:
Boise St. at Nevada UNDER 68
NC State -2.5 at UMD
La Tech -11.5 at SJSU
Marshall -9 vs. Tulane
W Kentucky +13 at Troy
Stanford -14 vs. Oregon St.

I hope all of you donkeys have a wonderfull Thanksgiving and will see you at Chadwicks in a few hours.  I’ll will be the guy who is stumbling around hitting on people that I never knew went to school with me.   Ca Caw

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