Whats Got Me On Tilt This Week…

Posted on February 7, 2011


Yes my fellow degenerates, we’re back, C-Murda’s black(on the inside), and I’m on full monkey tilt(For those of you who are new to our Cised lingo, being on Tilt is the opposite of being Cised).  Coming back at that ass from Bethesda, The Mean Streets Of.  Yes, my fellow degenerates, the Super Bowl was last night, and just like the last three years, my interest in the Big Game was squandered after I lost my mortgage payment on the coin toss; The F’ing COIN TOSS.  The season is over donkeys, lets move the F on.  And before we focus our degenerate rage on NCAA basketball, I’ve got a bone to pick with a large group of people, who, coincidentally, are the ones who initially put me on full monkey tilt; and now the shoe is on the other…table, which is now turned.

I spend a lot of time in our nations capitol, most of it looking for street parking, which, I believe is run by what seems like the Gestapo of meter maids, who are the worst bottom feeding pieces of shit on the earth.  Lets go back for a second, shall we?  It snowed a little over the last few weeks, nothing like SnowPocalypse(Kaiser Snowse) of last year, but a few healthy inches.  And seriously, who doesn’t like snow.  Snow has three of my favorite things about life and women: It’s white, it’s wet and it’s fun to dive face first into.  Back to the problem at hand:  Since the donkeys who drive in DC are already woeful, what do you think happens when this fine white powder starts raining from the sky?  Well, first, half the crack heads driving jump out of their cars and attempt to snort/smoke this frozen goodness.  Now, once the driving is over and it’s time to store said vehicles, the pure idiocy is finally shown by how these morons take up two and a half street spaces leaving three quarter size spaces available all over the District, causing me to want to commit actual murder.   Since, however, I can’t actually wait by their car and beat them to death with a baseball bat Joe Pesci style from Casino, I hope that while they are up in their warm apartments, suffering the internet, they come across some good porn.  Really nasty, naughty porn.  And maybe they say to them selves, “Hey, I’ve always wanted to try this, and there’s no time like the present”.  Hopefully, the next thing we know, all these douche bags accidentally auto-erotically asphyxiate themselves, junk in hand and O face still on their lifeless faces.   Thousands of these accidental deaths from Cleveland Park to Minnesota Ave., and after their families claim the bodies in humiliation from the city morgue and their cars are finally towed, your boy will be waiting there to claim  their spots…ASSHOLES.

A sidebar: In case all you degenerates were curious about our prolonged absence, there’s actually a really good reason.  I was reading all the Harry Potter books and couldn’t be bothered with trying to entertain you ungrateful dick heads.  We’re back and We’re Cised for that shit.  We’re looking for guest writers, so holla at your boys and we’ll get you on the Cised writing staff, and if your lucky, on C-Murda’s actual staff.  BJC…OUT!